The One Who Was Left Behind
by insanely.quirky
Summary: She just wanted her to reach her dreams, she was doing this because she loved her. She didn't think it would hurt this much.
1. Chapter 1

_a/n:__** this was supossed to be a song fic, but it kinda became the monster it is now. quinn has been living with the berry's since sectionals. they're now seniors, and baby fabray is still with her. Fic divided into three parts. Read and Review please! **___

She could hear the rain fall on the roof gently, it wasn't raining that hard anymore like earlier in the park, but the sound of it helped her disregard the silence that accompanied her alone at home. Home, it still blows her away that she calls they berry household her home. After her parent's and Finn kicked her out, Rachel took it upon herself to give Quinn and her unborn child a place to stay. A place to come home to.

Aaron (Mr. Berry or Dad) the african american man that reminded her of Eddie Murphy and David (Mr. Berry or Daddy) the jewish man that reminded her of Mr. Bean whenever he's in a coat and tie. Were the kind of parents she wished she had. They opened up their home and their hearts to her, and when her baby was born, they doted on her and loved as her if she was their grandchild, they even made her call them gamps (short for grandpa (Aaron)) and Zayzay (short for Zayde (David)). And sometimes she really wishes it were the case.

The rain continues on, and she vaguely thinks of playing in it, The baby was with Puck and his family, and the Berry's were on a date. The rain made her forget that the silence in the house meant she was all alone. Silence meant thinking and coming face to face with the fact that Rachel wasn't there and that she wouldn't be barging through the door anytime soon demanding that she stop sulking in their room.

Rachel. Rachel was gone. It's been two months, two long miserable months without Rachel. Rachel who was in New York, after getting the call that she's been waiting all her life. Junior Year, during Regionals, a talent scout saw and heard Rachel sing, got in touch with her and offered an opportunity of a lifetime. To go to New York, and pursue her dreams. She had stayed in Lima as long as she could, but two months ago, she made her way to the big apple, to get a head start.

She feels her heart clench she never knew it was possible to miss someone this much that tears make her vision blurry but she doesn't even try to stop them from falling. Rachel was in New York. She missed Rachel, her Rachel. The Rachel who was there for her when everyone else avoided her. The Rachel who rocked her to sleep when everything in her life didn't make sense and she'd end up crying. The Rachel who put up with all her weird cravings and made many a midnight run for Rachel who sang to her unborn daughter proclaiming that it helped in fetal development. The Rachel that would drag her out of their room even when she didn't want to and forced her to watch a Rachel who threatened Puck and Finn and in all her 5'2 glory told them to stay away from Quinn and to stop stressing her out. The Rachel that took her shopping for maternity clothes. The Rachel that talked with her when she was thinking of keeping her baby. The Rachel that bought her a onesie that said "Mommy's little star" as a surprise. The Rachel who for 10 minutes ran around like a headless chicken in the music room when her water broke. The Rachel who after finally calming down screamed places and had everyone run through their "Operation: Water Broke" battle plan. The Rachel whose hand she held as she was giving birth. The Rachel who cried silent tears with a smile on her face the moment Eloise "Lulu" Fabray was placed in her arms. The Rachel that softly counted 10 fingers and toes and sang "baby mine" softly to her baby when she thought Quinn was asleep. The Rachel who took turns with her for early morning feedings and diaper changes. The Rachel who doted on her daughter. The Rachel that made funny faces at Lulu to make the little girl giggle like crazy. The Rachel that would pout in the exact same way Lulu would when she put her foot down and took away their ice cream or chocolatey goodness. The Rachel that sang to her baby and read her bedtime stories. The Rachel that they shared a room with. The Rachel she was in love with. The Rachel she never thought she'd want a life with. Her Rachel that no one else saw and knew but her.

There were times that she'd pretend that she didn't miss her, that she was fine. Most days it doesn't work, on those days she cries in her car, then cleans herself up to smile at Aaron, David and her Lulu. Sometimes walking through the halls of McKinley makes her think she sees Rachel at her locker taking out books, or in the music room playing the piano and singing, or waiting for her to go to lunch. It was worse at home, she sees Rachel everywhere, in their bed, in the living room, in the kitchen, even in Lulu's eyes.

She grabs and holds Rachel's pillow closer to her body, and takes a deep lungfull of air. It still smells like her. And for a moment it didn't hurt as much.

She remembers the night she and Rachel talked about New York. Lying side by side, she tried so hard not to beg Rachel to her to stay would be selfish, she didn't have that luxury.

Roughly 2 months ago

"I don't understand why there is this need that I uproot my life as soon as possible, and not wait until I graduate from high school, I still stand by my decision to question the hastiness being required of me." Rachel bemoans.

"Didn't he explain it to you and your dads already? It's like you don't really want to go?" Quinn queries knowing fully well that Rachel's dads where split between making her go and making her stay.

"I do, of course I do." Rachel exclaims "But I find myself unable to abandon my short term goal of graduating from McKinley. Does it mean I have to take the proverbial leap of faith and let things fall as they may."

"Yes" Quinn says almost forcibly.

"Quinn! If you are trying to assist me in arriving at a decision on the latest development in my life, you are failing oh so miserably." Rachel pouts.

"Do you want me to tell you to stay and finish school? And let this opportunity pass by? I won't. You can always just get a GED or something. Isn't that like part of the deal anyway, you finish all the necessary credit you need there, and you still get your diploma without staying here stuck in Lima Loserville." don't sound so bitter, don't sound too sad, was the mantra Quinn saying in her head.

"I find myself unwilling to go since I know I will miss certain events and milestones, Lulu is just starting to talk in full sentences, and I want to be there to witness it happen and teach her to sing on key of course. And Regionals is coming up and we should practice to reach optimum success." was Rachel's answer.

Quinn lies on her side facing Rachel, soon enough their facing each other, and she was unable to stop her hand from gently cupping Rachel's cheek and pushing some her behind her ear. "Rach, Lulu is still going to be here when and if you come back, it's not like we can't talk over the phone chat or skype. And I'm pretty sure that Mr. Schue can handle glee even if you aren't there. Why don't you want to go, I was expecting you to have packed your bags by now."

Quinn suddenly finds herself on her back with an armful of Rachel Berry. "I don't know" she barely hears Rachel speak, as if spilling her deepest darkest secrets, "I know this is a very good opportunity and I'd be a fool to let it go, if i had been asked 2 years ago, if this had happened then, I would not dilly dally and have grabbed it with both hands, and would be in New York right at this moment."

"So what changed?" Quinn asks, afraid and hopeful of the answer.

"Everything Quinn. I just, it used to be the only reason I allowed myself to just dream of reaching New York after graduation was my dads. Now there's you and Lulu and Glee. And I'm currently torn between my dreams and my reality." answered Rachel with so much passion Quinn's heart skipped a beat.

"Rach-" Quinn stars but was interrupted as Rachel sits up and she follows suit.

"I need you to know that I'm invested in your and Lulu's life, you both a part of me now,both a part of my family. And me leaving would entailI leaving all of you behind, to follow this dream that has now changed to being just that a dream. It does not mean that I am no longer improving and evloving myself for broadway, because I am. But some light has been shed on certain areas of my life and priorities that I re-evaluated and came to a conclusion that I will still have Broadway and New York after High School."

"Are-, are you saying No to this opportunity?" Quinn asked

"That is where the problem lies, Quinn, I feel so conflicted and it's making my stomache for a lack of a better term, all acidy." was Rachel's reply.

Quinn laughs at the face Rachel made whilse saying 'all acidy', "If I were in your shoes. I'd do it. Even if it hurts, and I'd miss my friends and family. Chances like this happens once in a lifetime Rach. You deserve this chance to shine like the star that you are." she counters while moving to hold the other girl close.

"I have no justifiable reason to feel the way that I do, I just feel that if I leave now, I will lose so much. And the possibility of that happening has made me change my mind about leaving." Rachel holds her tightly.

"I'm going to be right here. Rach, I'll be right here waiting for you and cheering you on. Nothing has to change. We'll still be friends, and you'd still be Lulu's favortie." was Quinn's whispered promise.

Rachel suddenly sits up, Quinn follows suit and faced Rachel who stared at her with wide eyes, "I-" she starts, swallows and then "Quinn there is something that I need you to kno-"

Quinn panics at this, things between them have evolved so much that it wasn't hard to read each other. Over time both girls had developed a deep friendship and then something more. Both of them have spoken to their peers about this development individually. And all of the gleeks had a bet running when Quinn & Rachel would become "Quinn&Rachel". Rachel had planned on wooing Quinn, but with this opportunity it had to be pushed back, until this moment. But Quinn didn't think it was the right time, she didn't think she deserved Rachel.

Placing her fingers against Rachel's lips, "Don't ok. Don't say it. If you do you'd make it harder for you, for me, for us. Just don't. You can't do that Rachel. Go to New York and take them by storm. Just please don't do what I know you're about to do." She pulls her fingers away and looks down. Rachel was too close.

Quinn could feel Rachel's breath on her cheek, her heart was beating so hard. "But Quinn, I-" Rachel touches her chin and makes them face each other, "I need to say it. I want to say it. I don't want to leave without knowing we had this chance and didn't take it."

Their faces was only inches apart, and Quinn couldn't look away from her Rachel. Her Rachel that was practically laying her heart on her sleeve, but she had to look away. She had to turn around and make Rachel choose New York and not her. Things have changed between them so many times and this, this was something she desperately wanted. But she couldn't be as selfish as she was before. Even if it meant letting Rachel go. She wanted Rachel to reach her dreams of stardom and success, she wanted Rachel to be able to make it. Letting Rachel say it, telling Rachel she felt the same would be reverting back to who she used to be, before Lulu and before Rachel.

"Don't Rachel. I can't ok. Just go to New York. We'll be best of friends. Nothing more, nothing less."

"No Quinn. We could be so much mo-"

"Please Rach. I can't be that on top of everything else. I'm not worth it. It's not worth it. I can't let myself feel that way." She gets out of bed then, and walks to the door. "I don't need to tell you that you're amazing Rach. We all know that you are, and you deserve New York and Julliard and everything else. So take the chance, make it happen."

Rachel just looks at her with sad eyes and trembling lips.

"Make it to the top Berry, or so help me god if you don't I'll hop on a train and kick your tanned ass till it's sparkly and red, then teach Lulu to...to abhor anything musical" She tries to joke, and Rachel only sniffles as an answer.

Quinn just sighs at this, "I know what you feel Rach, but I, I don't deserve you. You deserve so much more than me." and with that final statement she makes her way out the door, and didn't hear Rachel silently whisper "You're worth it Quinn, worth giving up everything for."

It takes them days before they could be around each other without a few tears escaping or fumbled words. It takes Rachel a week and a half to get everything sorted and packed. One dreadful Sunday morning, Rachel was on her way to New York. The gleeks had already said their goodbyes during the send-off party Friday. Quinn was a bit miffed at how Santana kept looking at her with pity and Brittany's constant need to hug her and ask her if she was ok, she really didn't want anyone to remind her how Rachel was really leaving, even if she forced her hand in a way.

-

While waiting for Rachel's flight to be called, Quinn watched with a sad smile as her daughter clung to her H as if she was a human teddy bear.

"love H, Lulu love H." her baby exclaims while giving Rachel sloppy kisses, Rachel laughs at that with tears in her eyes.

"You do huh, how much?" asks the diva.

Lulu proceeds to stretch her arms as wide as she could and exclaims with a grin, "this much H, like momma!" She hugs Rachel again, and then turns around and sees Quinn watching them. "Momma, Hug H?"

She walks slowly towards them willing herself not to cry, crying while saying goodbye to Rachel was such a cliche. And she's already reached her quota of cliches that could last a lifetime.

She vaguely notices David step forward and grab Lulu telling her to say byebye to her H and that they should look at airplanes or something, it's a not so subtle attempt to give them some privacy. She also knows that David knew why Rachel suddenly decided to go ahead and leave Lima. She wasn't sure if she was going to be greatful or mad at him, she resigned herself to coming to a decision for that and all the other things she needed to iron out on their way home.

And just like that night that she found herself with an armful of Rachel Berry. She feels her breath leave her body. Her mind blank except for the knowledge that she was holding Rachel possibly for the last time, and soon she had to let go. She feels Rachel pull back, and had to steel herself from holding on tighter. Rachel raises her head and looks at her forlornly. She feels the hands on her hips tighten their grip as if she was afraid Quinn would bolt.

"Ask me to stay Quinn. Tell me to stay here with you and I will. New York and everything connected to it will still be there tomorrow or months from now. But I need you to ask me to stay." She hears tears in Rachel's voice, and with one hand wipes a few that escaped her eyes.

"I don't think I've ever told you how beautiful you are. You are so beautiful Rachel, it breaks my heart how beautiful you are and how I never knew it just reflected who you were inside." said Quinn, as if she didn't hear a word that Rachel just uttered.

"Tell me to stay Quinn. Nothing has to happen beyond that for now, Just don't let me go."Rachel said almost begging, and Quinn just shakes her head at that.

"I'm letting you do this Rachel Berry. I need to let you go. Someone as wonderful and amazing as you doesn't deserve to stay stuck in Lima, doesn't deserve someone like me. You're a star Rachel, I can't stand in the way." whispered Quinn close to tears.

"Quinn, please don't do this. Don't let me go thinking you don't-" pleaded Rachel.

Quinn was so close to giving in Rachel never begged for anything, but she had to stay strong for herself, for Rachel, "But I do, so so much. And I know you don't understand why I'm doing this. I need you to know that it's because I do, and this is the only way I know how."

And as much as she told herself she shouldn't, As much as she pretend she was being strong. In the end she wasn't, she couldn't stop herself from wanting to know how it felt to kiss Rachel, how it felt to be kissed by Rachel.

It was a short kiss, almost fleeting and still she knew it was going to be one of the most amazing kisses she'd ever have in her entire life. But she pulls away cause if she doesn't she'll never let go, and she couldn't do that to the one person who deserved the world in a silver platter. "I'm sorry..." She whispers, and finally lets her hand fall to her side and walks away. Not once looking back, even as she heard Rachel sob, and Aaron's comforting words.

She couldn't bare to look at the plane as it flew away, even if Lulu kept asking her to say byebye to H. She barely remembers how she got into the car. When the realization that Rachel really was on her way to New York, and that she was the catalyst to it all made her want to claw her eyes out and at the same time cry a river, whichever comes first. She notices Aaron glancing at the rear view mirror at her reflection. She takes a deep breath and breaks the silence that enveloped the small moving vehicle.

Quinn breaks the silence by saying, "We can be out of your hair by Tuesday."

She suddenly grabs unto Lulu and her carseat when David swerves, once he has complete control of the car, Aaron reaches over and rubs his Quinn utters a mortified 'I'm so sorry'. Turning around to look at her Aaron just gives her a blank look and says, "We'll talk about it later Quinn.", she almost didn't want to reach the Berry's.


	2. Chapter 2

David parks the car, while she takes a sleeping Lulu in her arms, and sees both men enter their house dejectedly. She didn't think it was possible to feel guiltier than she already did, she was wrong. She closes the front door behind her and everything hits her all at the same time. Rachel was gone, she told the Berry's she was leaving, she and her daughter would be homeless, she made the one person that never let her down go, she let the people who took her in watch their only daughter leave and it was all her fault.

She loses the battle against stopping the sob from escaping her fragile body, it was followed by tears running down her face. She tightens her grip on her girl, Lulu was the only thing she had now. She never saw David make his way to where she stood unmoving. "Let me get Lulu to bed, and we can all talk ok?" He never waits for her reply and instead gently takes the sleeping girl from her arms and walks towards the sleeping mat in the corner of the living room.

'Oh God, I made her leave, what have I done?' she thought.

"No you didn't, you just helped her make that choice." she turns around and watches David hurry to her side, she had said it out loud.

The broken heart that Rachel and her dads helped put back together, started breaking all over again. And as David pulls her into a warm fatherly embrace, she knew that putting her heart back together would take time. She had disappointed them, she did this. Just when she thought she was on the right track, and worthy of calling the Berry's house home, she tells Rachel to leave and she bears witness to the aftermath.

"Oh sweetie it's not your fault," David rubs circles on her back, In Quinn's mind she thought she didn't deserve the comfort he offered. She had told his daughter that she couldn't love her back, that she couldn't love her that way, and that made her leave. "Aaron, a little help here?" He directs at his husband, all the while leading a broken Quinn Fabray to the couch. Once seated, David pulls away only to have Quinn's arms wrap tighter around him, "I'm not letting go ok, it's ok, I'm not letting you go."

"I'm so sorry, so so sorry. She probably think I don't love her, I made her leave. I did this. I don't deserve to be here." she whispers against his damp shirt, damp because of all the tears she shed.

David pulls away a bit forcefully this time, and tilts Quinn's chin up so their eyes met. "Quinn, regardless of what you girls talked about. Rachel was bound to leave Lima one way or another. Her departure just got bumped up a few months. In a way I can understand why you did what you did, and it's because you love her right? . I tried telling her that, she just doesn't understand why you think she doesn't deserve you." She tries to speak, but the only sound she could make were whimpers, "I know you love my daughter, and that she loves you, You just need to find out what you want ok? you need to believe in that love ok?." She feels another pair of arms encircle both of them.

"Quinn, I know that telling Rachel to go was hard for you", stated Aaron, she didn't have to look at them to know that the Berry's were looking at each other. "Since you started living with us, I saw how your relationship with Rachel evolved from barely speaking to a loving co-existence. David and I made bets on when you girls would fall in love, not that you were subtle about the longing looks and gentle touches anyway."

The arms around her fall away leaving her feeling so empty and alone. Until Aaron makes her look at him as he spoke.

"We watched both of you dote on Lulu, and take care of her the same way David and I did with Rachel, and I was so happy. I knew my little girl was going to be a great mother. Seeing it happen right in front of me blew me away. In my mind I imagined you calling me Dad too." She starts crying again, and Aaron gently wipes her tears away, he was always so different from Rachel and David who was so open and loving except with Lulu, this was a new side to him she never saw before it made her feel so loved and accepted, she felt so unworthy.

'I don't deserve this? I don't deserve these wonderful people in my life?' she thinks to herself, knowing she was about to lose them.

"Now about being out of our hair." Aaron repeating the words she spoke in the car, made the pieces of her broken heart plummeth into a bottomless abyss, "I just watched our daughter get on a plane and leave for New York." She looks away from him and keeps her eyes trained on Lulu's toys strewn across the living room wondering how and where she was going to put all of it, "If you think that I'll let *our other* daughter leave with *our* granddaughter, *you* are definitely mistaken."

She turns her head so fast, she almost had whiplash, "Daugh-" she tries to ask, but can't bring herself to finish the question.

"Oh sweetie, we already consider you our daughter, and Lulu our grandbaby. Regardless of what happened, or what you both decide it does not change the fact that we love you both, equally. And because we love you, we refuse to let you leave. You and Lulu are staying right here, well until we need to decide on college of course." Aaron says with a smile.

Unable to stop herslef she flung herself at Aaron and held on for dear life mumbling, "Thank you, thank you." over and over again. It takes her a few minutes to calm down. Quinn is amazed at how she feels so safe and loved in either Aaron or David's arms safer than being held in her father and mother's embrace. She thinks it's because the Berry's just wanted her to be her and not some factory manufactured daughter that conformed to their every whim, Rachel was a perfect example of that.

They stayed that way for awhile, and David joked he was feeling left out, that the hug they shared turned into a Quinn Fabray sandwich with her in between. She wasn't sure how long the hug-fest was going on, so lost in the feeling of family that enveloped her that she almost didn't see how adorable her little girl looked rubbing sleep off her eyes sitting on her sleeping mat on the floor.

Aaron pulls away, stands and walks over to Lulu exclaiming, "It's my favorite little princess!" once Lulu sees him smiles she raises her hands up saying, "Up!" Aaron just laughs kneels infront of her and proceeds to tickle her, she and David share a knowing smile as Lulu feebly bats at Aaron's hand that was laughing heartily as she did so.

"Gamps silly." says Lulu, looking at Aaron as she holds a finger each in her hands, trying to make him stop.

"Well yes, there is that. But only for my favorite pretty little princess." he mock whispers to the little girl beaming at him.

"Yay!" Lulu exclaims, "Gamps up peas." she asks.

Aaron stands up and lifts Lulu up, "Let's go over to Zayde and Momma!" he tells her, and Lulu just nods her head with a smile.

They reach the sofa, and Aaron places the little girl in her mother's arms. In the middle of the Berry living room was a Fabray sandwich, but it doesn't take long until the grown ups were tickling the little girl in Quinn's lap.

"Nooooo Zayzay! No tickles!" Lulu shouts, "Gamps Noooo, No." But they don't stop and just laugh in delight at the giggles escaping the little girl. Quinn who had her arms around her daughter so that she wouldn't escape felt a pinch in her heart, and a wave of sadness envelopes her. "Momma No tickles!" begs her daughter, she was about to reply but apparently took to long since everyone was now looking at her, Lulu was turned to her with a frown on her face.

"What's wrong baby?" Quinn asks.

"Momma sad?" was all Lulu said. Quinn feels a small damp hand on her cheek, she didn't know she had started crying again.

Aaron clears his throat and looks at his husband then stands up, "Sweetheart I need help with something in the kitchen." Both men give mother and daughter some privacy. Subtelty does not run in the Berry family at all.

"Momma's fine baby." great she thinks to herself lie to your impressionable daughter.

Lulu then puts her hands on her hip, in a perfect 'I don't believe you and I will glare until you tell the truth Rachel Berry Glare' (Patent Pending). Her eyebrows lift and she tries to stop the smile trying to break free. Lulu frowns at her and pouts. And she let's the smile blossom on her face, her daughter was just too cute for words.

"Momma sad." was uttered by her little girl, and feels contrite. 'great my own daughter can see right through me'.

"Momma just misses Rach that's all" might as well tell her the sad unvarnished truth.

"Lulu miss H. Hug Momma, no sad." tiny arms wrap around her neck. She then wraps her arms around her little girl.

"Thank you baby, Momma feels better everytime Lulu hugs her." her daughter pulls away and gives her a dazzling smile, so alike to Rachel's she often wishes Lulu was their's. "And because Lulu's hugs are awesome, Momma's gonna pay you back with Kisses." She kissed her daughter, on her nose, her cheeks her lips, her chin, she pulls Lulu up and proceeds to give the little tummy infront of her a loud raspberry. Lulu's laughter fills the Berry house, and she feels her sadness ebb away. She places the little girl beside her and they cuddle. It was moment's like this that made her happy she decided to keep her baby, she couldn't imagine not having Lulu in her life. And somehow it made things a little bit better.

-

Since that day like clockwork, at 6:30pm Rachel would call and talk with her dads, and Lulu. On friday's they'd have marathon Skype conversations, she'd smile just a little at hearing her daughter sqeal and laugh at whatever Rachel was doing or whenever Lulu would try and sing their favorite nursery rhyme stumbling over the all the words except star. She knew Rachel asked her dads about her, and once she saw David look at her silently asking her if she wanted to talk to Rachel, but she felt too raw and just shook her head and left the room. She just couldn't bring herself to talk to Rachel, let alone watch her on screen, so far away.

There were days that Lulu would stubbornly refuse to go to sleep unless she hears Rachel tell her a bedtime story screaming "H story" at the top of her lungs until she gives in. And she'd pull out her cell dial Rachel's number and give her little girl the phone. She'd watch as her daughter ask Rachel for a bedtime story, and see her nod, in response to Rachel's questions. She'd feel her heart melt at how engrossed Lulu seemed to be with whatever story Rachel was telling her, and smile gently as Lulu succumbs to sleep. Gently removing the phone from Lulu's hands she'd place it against her ear. This was her guilty pleasure, this was the only time she could speak to Rachel. And like all the other times before, when they still shared a room or the first time Lulu demanded a betime story from her H. She whispers "Goodnight Rachel", and she hears a "Goodnight Quinn" before the call disconnects.

She knows it doesn't make sense, that the only time she could talk to Rachel was to whisper a goodnight. But for her it was the only thing she could say to the other girl, without crying her heart out and begging for forgiveness, for a chance, for her to come back. She didn't want to be the selfish bitch she used to be, that was her past. She outgrew that Quinn Fabray. But she needed to do this, for them even if it meant not talking to Rachel for the forceable future.

-  
Her life since Rachel left was just too downright depressing.

On the first week of LWRB (or Life Without Rachel Berry as she dubbed her current life), she walkled down the halls of home and school with a smile, a smile that never reached her eyes. She tried very hard to pretend she was ok, until Friday rolled around, and she realized it was Rachel's pick for a movie. She ended up crying in Aaron's arms, as David tried to make a bawling Lulu stop crying since Quinn was crying. It was a night of tears, tissues and sniffling. It was also the first night she slept in one of the Berry's arms that didn't belong to Rachel.

On the second week of LWRB, she was a mess. She found herself crying over everything, it was honestly worse than when she was pregnant. A song that they liked to sing to Lulu, A piece Rachel wanted to be part of Glee's repertoire, A teacher calling Rachel's name only to take it back since she was no longer there. Rachel's favorite ice cream flavor, her favorite movie, her favorite show. Quinn has taken to wearing some of Rachel's clothes that was left behind. The gleeks, especially Kurt and Santana was mortified and amused with that latest development.

On the third week of LWRB, Quinn started wearing sun glasses to school, not to look cool but for necessity. She had circles underneath her eyes, Lulu has been getting increasingly difficul, almost always begging Rachel to come home in each phone call. "H home peas." she'd say with a small quivering voice, Quinn would never hear what Rachel says, but she'd see her little girl nod, look at her then say "love H.", then Lulu would walk or crawl to where she was and just cling to her, softly crying, and once her baby girl was asleep, she'd cry too.

On the fourth week of LWRB, Quinn finds herself always with one gleek or another, they seemed to have made a team decision no to leave her alone. Even if it were a weekend, they'd have wii, ps3 and rockband days (Artie), spa days (Kurt), silly kiddie days (Brittany and a reluctant Santana)  
, shopping and diva days (Tina and Mercedes), action packed movie days with a lot of maiming, killing, blood and gore days, it only ever changed when Brittany wanted to watch a cartoon or comedy (Santana and Brittany), Driving around without a destination days (Puck and Lulu), Pop and Lock days (Mike and Matt, unsuccesfully teaching her to do hip-hop) and even a day when all of them are together just being kids playing with Lulu. It takes her mind off of things for a little while, until she thinks of how Rachel would have had fun with them and she goes back to being gloomy.

On the fifth week of LWRB, Quinn breaksdown after dropping off Lulu at Puck's, Puck takes her in his arms, she tells him how much she misses Rachel, and that she loves her and that she just doesn't know what to do. Puck surprises her with what he says: "Look Quinn, I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened, We all kinda knew you were both you know, into each other. But have you really thought this through? I mean yeah ok, you want her to reach her dreams, so what happens to you? are you like going to wait for her to come back? what if she doesn't." when she just cries harder he continues on, "For a time I thought we'd have our chance you know, and i gave that up, and after seeing how you are with Rachel, and how you just glow when you're with her, I know I could never ever compete with that, no one can. So I hope you know whatever it is that you're doing, coz I don't want to see either of you hurt, more than now that is." It was at that moment that she realized, that Puck maybe an asshole sometimes, but he made a great friend and father.

On the sixth week of LWRB, after bringing Lulu to daycare and making her way to School, instead of class she heads straight to Ms. Pillsbury. She cries her heart of for two hours, while the guidance councilor just rubbed circles on her back. After cleaning herself up, Ms. Pillsbury tells her, "Have you ever thought that maybe going after your dreams deserve merit too? I know you said that you weren't worth it. But Rachel seems to think so. And we both know that Rachel will work on it until she gets it. I'm not saying that you made a mistake, but you never stopped and asked what Rachel wanted. What if she falls in love with someone else? How will you cope with that?" She glares at the guidance councilor who's eyes grow impossibly large. "Quinn, I'm just trying to make you see the other side of things here. I'm pretty sure that Rachel is as miserable as you feel, and the only one who can stop it is you. You need to figure out if this sacrifice is worth losing the one thing you want. You need to let go of the belief that you don't deserve to be happy, and that everyone else has forgiven you, maybe you should start forgiving yourself too."

On the seventh week of LWRB, Finn pulls her aside after Glee practice to tell her that he was very worried about her, and that if she ever needed to talk, about anything at all he could listen. She knew without a doubt that she looked as miserable as she felt. When Mr. Schue shows up at the Berry's asking how she was holding up, she knew she was way in over her head for thinking she was strong enought to pull this off.

On the eighth week of LWRB, She had cried herself to sleep once she was alone, Brittany had come over as if magically knowing that Lulu was crying after a short conversation with Lulu was spending the weekend with her "Dada" and "Grama" she had asked if Brittany wanted to hang out the day after before she left. In the bed she had shared with Rachel, she listened to the voicemail the brunette left for her over and over again, until she succumbed to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

That same night, Santana and Brittany were having a Skype conversation with Rachel. And the whole  
experience made Santana feel blessed that Brittany was with her in every sense of the word. She may not be  
shouting about it at the top of her lungs for all to hear, but she was able to proudly walk around the halls of  
McKinley with her hand tangled with Brittany's. Quinn and Rachel didn't have that, they never had the  
chance, she felt sad about it, not that she would ever admit that.

"She seems really sad Rach, like someone kicked her puppy and killed it. She has these circles under her  
eyes, and she never smiles anymore, unless she's with Lulu, even then it's not as bright." Brittany tells Rachel.  
"The other day, I saw her staring at your seat in history, she looked like she was about to cry. And every time  
any of us asks her if she's ok. She'd shrug and continue what she was doing. She refuses to let anyone know  
what she feels."

They see Rachel's eyes tear up and watch her cry, Santana vaguely hears a whispered, 'my poor Quinn'.

"I'm sorry Rach, I didn't mean to upset you." uttered a panicking Brittany. "It's just she misses you a lot. We all  
do." Rachel just cries harder.

Santana decided to cut in and do some damage control, "B why don't you let me do the crappy stuff, and  
you handle the rainbow side of things."

Brittany just tilts her head to the side and says, "I don't understand S."

Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray's drama momentarily forgotten, Santana couldn't help but smile, "Just make  
Rachel smile, I'll tell her what's been happening. ok?" Brittany just nods her head and they both look at the  
screen and notices that Rachel was about to answer her ringing phone with an oddly familiar song.

"Quinn?"  
"Oh, Hi Lulu!"  
"No, I just thought your Momma was calling."  
"I'm funny?"  
"Did you mean I sound funny? It's just cause I had something spicy and my nose is runny."  
"I know sweetie, it is kinda gross."  
"So what's up my little Lulu? did you want a bedtime story?"  
"Is Momma there?"  
"Oh, ok."  
"I miss you too, I'll be coming home on your birthday though, and it's in a few months."

Santana marveled at how Rachel could carry a normal conversation with a baby that barely spoke in full  
sentences and that they seem to understand each other. Only Rachel Berry.

"Lulu, I can't come home now."  
"I miss her a lot too baby. H is sad too."  
"I really can't come home yet."  
"I love you too Lulu"  
"And I love her too very much."  
"Lulu, I can't do that right now."  
"Oh baby please don't cry...Lulu..."  
"I- I can't come home yet."  
"Lulu? Lulu?"

They watched a frustrated Rachel, look at her phone, dial a number and frown, "Quinn, You need to talk to  
Lulu, she sounded very upset cause I couldn't come home, to you, to both of you. I, I don't know what to do  
Quinn. I'm sorry. I- I miss you." the last line whispered reverently. It seemed as if Rachel forget they were  
there and called someone else. "Daddy? are you home? could you check on Lulu? She hang up on me. She was  
pretty upset and she's not picking up. Is Quinn there? She is? do you think she'd...Oh ok. I miss you guys. Can  
you hug her for me? Thank you Daddy. I love you."

Santana feels Brittany get up, and looks at her in question. Brittany gives her a hug and whispers 'I'm gonna  
check on Quinn and Lulu' both knowing that Brittany was one of the things that could make Lulu smile if only  
for awhile, She turns back to the screen, and sees Rachel holding the Teddy Bear Lulu had given her.

"Rachel, you know that she's only upset cause she's too young to understand what's going on right?" She  
doesn't really understand the situation." Santana tries to placate the obviously distressed girl.

Rachel sighs, "It doesn't make it hurt any less, she probably thinks *I* don't love them, that *I* don't want to  
come home."

The look of dejection and sadness on Rachel's face made Santana want to be able to hug the girl, 'wow, I've  
like totally come a long way' she thought ruefully. "Rachel don't be like that, you should think about the  
opportunity you've been given. Just worry about getting your whole body through the door and not just  
your foot, not that it's going to be difficult since your teeny." She smiles at the small smile she gets in return,  
"I promise B and I will take care of Quinn and Lulu, just do what it is that you left Lima for."

She watches as Rachel sits up a bit straighter and looks at her with intense brown eyes, "You do know that  
one of the reasons why I left the way I did was because Quinn didn't want us to be together, spouting  
nonsense about being selfish and unworthy. How she got that notion in her head is beyond me." She sees  
Rachel grab something beside her monitor, it was a picture frame, which Rachel turned towards the camera.  
The picture inside was that of Quinn holding Rachel who had her back against the arm of the sofa with a  
sleeping Lulu against her. Quinn was smiling a content smile, look down at her daughter held by the girl she  
was holding, and Rachel had her head turned looking at Quinn love shining in her eyes. It took Santana's  
breath away. Turning the picture back to her, Rachel runs her fingers on Quinn's face, "Dad took this picture  
and gave it to me the night I was leaving, I don't even know how he was able to do that. I remember this day,  
It was a Saturday and Lulu was strutting around the house in a tutu all day, and Quinn kept calling her little  
Lulu in a tutu. She was so happy, and so content. She helped Dad and Daddy make dinner and I couldn't stop  
myself from thinking that we could be just like that with Lulu someday. As we watched a movie, she held me  
in her embrace, as Lulu was snuggled against my chest fast asleep, Quinn occasionally ran her hands through  
my hair, across my arms, she gently rubbed Lulu's head. And when she thought I was asleep, she'd gently  
sporadically kissed my head, my cheek, my shoulder. When we retired to bed, we changed positions. I held  
her in my arms, and once she was asleep I knew without a doubt that I was so madly in love with her. That  
day is engraved in my memory; I keep it with me always. It was on that day that I knew I wanted to spend the  
rest of my life with Quinn, and raise Lulu with her. It was only a matter of time before we reached the  
pivotal point wherein we'd have to finally acknowledge our feelings, I had planned for it. The day I was going  
to confess was also the day I got that call."

"Rach-" Santana tries to speak, but finds herself unable to, it seemed that Life had a fucked up common  
sense.

"It's not that I don't understand why she was wary of starting that kind of relationship with me. I was  
completely and absolutely prepared to woo her, and show her that just because we were about to embark  
on a romantic relationship it did not mean we had to abandon the friendship we had cultivated. I just, I  
wanted more time, I was asking her to let us have more time with each other, to explore whatever this thing  
between us was. We already had to think about being apart because we were on our last year of high school  
and by taking this opportunity, it meant cutting an already short time together shorter. I wanted to stay and  
she wanted me to go. In her mind she believed that she was unworthy of my love, that letting me go and  
fulfill my dreams was the best path for me to take. She didn't know that since falling irrevocably in love with  
her, my dreams changed, I still want to conquer New York and Broadway, with her and Lulu, and whoever  
comes next."

"Wow Berry. I mean just Wow." was all Santana could say.

"I love her Santana, I really really love her. And if it means, sticking out my neck here in lonely New York,  
working towards Julliard and Broadway then I will. I will do absolutely everything and anything to make it. But  
I need her too, I need her too." Rachel starts crying again, "I need to know that she'll be there, that she  
loves me, that we'll be together one day, that she's mine just like I'm hers. Coz if it isn't the case then  
whatever I'm doing here will be moot, whatever success I gain is worth nothing."

"Rachel, she just thinks she's doing what's best for you. This is really killing her too." Santana says trying to  
defend Quinn Fabray's fucked up sense of logic and sacrifice.

"Case in point, we don't have to be miserable at all. If it were up to me, we'd try, even if I was here and she  
was there we could have made it work. But she took away that chance, she never gave me a choice. And  
even if I don't agree with how she just decided for the both of us, it is imperative that she be the one to  
end this impasse she banished us to. So really, I have no choice in the matter, I love her, she loves me, She  
wants me to fulfill my dreams, and for me being with her is part of those dreams, and unless she finally  
realizes that I need her just as much as she needs me, we're bound to stay as miserable as we are now."

"You're giving her way too much power in your relationship Rachel." Santana warns the girl, It's not that she's  
worried Quinn would take advantage of that power, It's obvious she doesn't even know that she wields that  
power over Rachel, she just doesn't want them hurting any more than they already were, after all they were  
all friends now.

Rachel just smiles at her, "Contrary to popular belief, the Bottom/Submissive always has the upper hand  
Santana, When they say stop the Top/Dominant stops. In most cases anyway, isn't your relationship with  
Brittany working along the same lines. You are obviously the dominant one in the relationship, harder,  
fiercer, stronger. But at the end of the day, you cave to whatever Brittany says."

Santana just turns red at that, "Ok first off, I love Brittany and I just want her happy, and two, we are not in  
any way or form in any kind of BDSM thing going. We have a certain kind of balance between us, a symbiotic  
coupling. She's the yang to my yin you know."

"I do, and I hope one day Quinn will understand that she could never ever take advantage of me. What I  
offer, what I feel, and what I do, I do so freely without asking anything in return." Santana nods, and tells  
herself that she was going to knock some sense into Quinn Fabray, maybe even hit her as long as 1.) Lulu  
wasn't anywhere near the vicinity, 2.) Rachel's dads don't see it, and if they do she tells them why she did it,  
and 3.) Rachel never finds out.

"Just hang in there Berry, maybe B and I will knock some sense into her, knowing Quinn it might take awhile,  
with her having such a hard head and all." they share a laugh, but Santana wasn't done, "She does love you  
Rachel, I know that is, cause I see the way she looks at you, and it's the same way B looks at me. Just give  
her time ok?"

Rachel just nods her head and waves goodbye, Santana shuts down the computer and waits for Brittany to  
call or come over. She must have fallen asleep, and was awoken by Brittany getting in bed beside her. "Go  
back to sleep baby, I'll be here in the morning." She faintly feels against her nape.

Santana nods and mumbles a garbled 'love you', and smiles when Brittany whispers 'I love you too'.

-

Brittany was supposed to be with them, but her mom called and asked her to come home, so Santana was  
stuck with Quinn in the middle of the park, watching the other girl look at her phone for the past 15  
minutes, she counted 40 sighs since they sat down. On the 41st sigh her hand shoots out and grabs said  
phone, and Quinn's hand shoots out to grabs her arm.

"Hey! Give it back Lopez!" Quinn mutters angrily

Santana just sneers, "What are you gonna do Fabray, send me away too?"

She sees Quinn deflate in front of her and let go of her arm, and almost wanted to kick herself, almost being  
the operative word.

"Can I please have my phone back S." Quinn mumbled.

"As soon as I find out what you keep looking at." was Santana's answer, she looks down on the screen in front  
of her and was not surprised to see it was Rachel and Lulu, it was a picture she hadn't seen before. Rachel  
was sleeping on her side an arm across a sleeping Lulu who shared the exact same pose holding a teddy bear,  
she had never seen Rachel so relaxed before, and for a second time a picture took her breath away. 'damn,  
this love thing is really kicking my ass, I've turned into a giant mush ball.' she silently hands the phone back to  
Quinn, and just shrugs.

Holding her phone, Quinn just stares at the picture on her screen, "I love this picture of them, they look like  
two peas in a pod, they sleep the exact same way." A small sad smile takes residence on Quinn's lips, "I used  
to watch them sleep curled around each other, and feel my heart swell. Rachel is so loving towards Lulu, like  
she was her own. And Lulu absolutely adores Rachel, she thinks Rachel hung the moon."

"Just like you do?" Santana interjects.

"Not just the moon, but the stars too." was Quinn's whispered reply, "I-" Quinn falters, and wipes and errant  
tear away, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I miss her so much, I love her so much, but I can't bring  
myself to talk to her aside from saying goodnight." Quinn's tears start flowing now, "I feel like such a bad  
person, last night Lulu was so upset coz she wanted Rachel to come home coz I missed her, and when Rachel  
told her she couldn't, she got mad at her, *Mad* at her H coz she wouldn't come home and make her Momma  
happy."

When Quinn starts sobbing Santana stands up and sits beside the other girl, pulling her into an embrace.

"I've made such a big mess out of things S, I keep thinking about Rachel, everywhere I look, everything I do  
reminds me that I told Rachel to leave me, leave us. I never told her I love her and sent her away. In my mind  
I know I did the right thing, I want her to be happy S, and making her stay here in Lima would only make her  
miserable. She deserved the world, and if it meant me sacrificing my happiness then so be it. I just didn't think  
it would hurt this much. I just, sometimes I think this is some kind of karmic retribution going on for every  
wrong thing I've done you know? I mean just when I finally realize that I was in love with Rachel, just when I  
realize that I was loved and that I started feeling safe again, that I felt like I belonged, I had someone who  
forgave me for my transgressions and shortcomings, who accepted me even if I didn't deserve it, not even in  
a million years but she did..." she takes a deep breath, "then- then I had to choose between loving her, and  
*loving* her."

Santana was at her wits end, and steeled herself to knock some sense into her friend, "Q, do you really hate  
yourself so much that you don't want to be happy? You really didn't have to choose at all you know?"

Quinn turned to her gaping, unable to make any sound.

"No seriously," Santana prodded, "It's like all you ever think is woe me, my life sucks, I made mistakes but  
Rachel deserves to be happy, She deserves New York. She deserves better than me. Seriously?" She shouts  
the last word so loud that almost everyone around them turned and looked. Quinn just kept looking at her.  
"Look Quinn, I love you, you're my bestest friend aside from B, but this, this morbid need to punish yourself is  
absurd. She loves you Q, she loves you with all her heart. She loves your daughter, her whole family loves  
both of you, hell you're fucking part of the family. Even before Rachel left, you both had changed we all  
knew and saw it, and while she was wearing her heart on her argyle, you kept yours hidden under a  
cardigan." Santana takes a deep breath waiting for Quinn to interrupt, and when she doesn't she continues,  
"Look, I get it you're afraid. After everything that happened the Berry Daddies became your pillars, and  
Rachel your North Star, your guiding light. They became your family even if you just really realized it  
recently, I get that you think that this whole thing might be taken away from you, but you need to  
understand you're doing a fine job of letting it slip away all on your own, and I'm not talking about the Berry  
Daddies, I'm talking about Rachel and how you told her you could only be just friends even it was so blatantly  
obvious both of you wanted more, you were both so head over heels puppy dog in love with each other."

Quinn sniffles, "If I had told her that I love her, If I said that we should be together, and it didn't work, I don't  
know how I would have coped." Wiping at her tears, "If I had asked her to stay she might never have left, and  
I couldn't do that to her, not after everything she's done for me."

Santana just rolled her eyes and flicked Quinn's head, she hears and indignant 'Hey' and just ignores it,  
"Sometimes I wonder why is it that for someone so smart, you are just absolutely dumb when it comes to  
things like this." Quinn glares at her and she glares back. "Really Quinn, whatever happened to the fearless  
queen that I knew?"

"She got drunk and slept with her then boyfriends bestfriend, got pregnant and got dethroned." was Quinn's  
reply.

A sigh escaped the latina, "So that's it, you're just giving her up? you won't even let her try, you won't even  
fight for her? you won't even take that chance huh?" when the blonde doesn't answer, "You are so pathetic  
it's depressing." she stands up, "You're right. You don't deserve Rachel. You're just another Lima Loser and  
she's absolutely better of without you and I hope she finds someone who will love her more than you ever  
could."

Before she knew it Santana's cheek stung, and in front of her was an angry looking Quinn Fabray, the same  
Quinn Fabray that used to walk down the halls of McKinley in a cheerio's uniform. Santana lifts up a hand to  
rub her cheek, 'that hurt' she thinks, She watches Quinn watch her, and then look at her hand that had  
slapped Santana. She once again deflates to the shell she became after Rachel left.

Quinn's lips quiver, then her whole body shudders as she cries. "Oh god, Santana I'm sorry!" she exclaims  
before dropping to her knees.

Santana just follows suit and gathers the crying girl in her arms, "At least that got a reaction out of you." she  
lamely jokes, helping Quinn back up on the bench where they were sitting. "Quinn, I can't tell you what to  
do ok? all I know is that every time We talk to Rachel, all she talks about is you. Last night was the first time I  
saw Rachel cry that hard, it was also the first time I heard her basically say that she wants a life with you,  
not just a relationship, she vaguely mentioned babies Quinn, BABIES! and not just Lulu! And all she wants is a  
chance ok? She knows you think that Broadway is her dream." She lifts her friends face up so they were face  
to face and looking at each other. "What you don't know is that all of those dreams will mean absolutely  
nothing without you." Wiping Quinn's tears away, " She loves you Quinn, just like you love her. So you better  
get your act together. You may not believe it, but Rachel Berry loves you with all that she is and wants  
nothing else but a chance to show you. And I'm pretty sure she loves for keeps. So even if you think you  
don't deserve it, everyone else knows you do. Stop running away from her Quinn, stop pushing her away. You  
deserve to be happy Quinn, just like the rest of us."

"I just don't want to lose her, what if it doesn't work out? I don't think I can take that, I don't think my heart  
will ever recover from that kind of blow. What if love isn't enough?" Quinn asks.

"Look if you guys were able to live together without killing each other while you despised each other, I'm  
pretty sure you can overcome everything else. You won't lose her if you work on it, what you're doing now is  
definitely doing that job for you. Nothing is perfect Quinn, you're going to have to work on it, and you  
pretty much have to make it up to her." was Santana's answer.

"I never really hated her you know." Quinn mutters somewhat off topic.

Santana just laughs, "Oh I knew that Fabray, B and I used to talk about it all the time, even when we were  
just kids, my first clue was how you couldn't not pick on Rachel, it was kinda kindergardenish even when we  
started high school."

"What do you mean?" Quinn asks with furrowed brows.

Santana laughs harder, "You know when a little boy likes a little girl, he punches her, pulls her hair, tells her  
she has cooties all coz he likes her."

Quinn stares at her blankly and then mutter an "Oh."

"Look, I won't hit you for hitting me." Santana starts and almost laughs when Quinn shirks away, "B, Rachel  
and the Berry Daddies will prolly have my hide, and I don't want Lulu to glare at me every time I see her, I  
kinda like being the squirts bad-ass Santy" she grabs Quinn's hand and holds it, "We all just want both of you  
to be happy, stop playing stupid and open your eyes."

They hear a bubbly voice from a distance, "You guys!" and both watch as Brittany skips towards them.

"The moment you get your head outta your ass, is the moment you get to have what B and I have. Take that  
leap and go get your girl, ok Fabray?" was the last thing Santana says before she stands to welcome her girl  
with open arms.

Brittany just squeals in delight as Santana lifts her off of her feet, and once back on the ground, she walks  
dragging a smiling Santana over to Quinn, who she proceeds to hug. "What did I miss?" she asks.

Santana just raises her eyebrows at Quinn waiting for her to say something. "S just made me realize some  
things B."

Brittany looks at her girlfriend and smiles, "Yeah?" she asks, not waiting for a reply she gives Santana a kiss.  
"Well, I hope you stop being stupid and stop making Rachel so miserable. It's sad, she's sad, I've never seen  
her this Un-Rachel like and I don't like it, it makes me really feel bad, and she's too far away that I can't give  
her a hug. Make her stop hurting ok? coz if you don't I might just start hating you or maybe sick my Santana  
on you."

Quinn was surprised at this, Santana could so kick her ass without even trying, "I-, I'll try B."

With narrowed eyes, Brittany stares at Quinn for quite some time. Quinn was starting to worry, but was able  
to release the breath she was holding when the other girl gives her a bright smile and says, "OK."

All of a sudden the rain comes pouring in, and all three girls make a mad dash for some for Santana's car.  
They were all soaked but Quinn didn't seem to notice, so lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice Santana  
stopping in front of her house.

"Hey Quinn, this is your stop." mutters Santana.

Quinn turns her head and sees a mirage of Rachel waving at her with an umbrella, her heart clenches and  
she wishes it were true. "Yeah, ok. Thanks guys." She unbuckles her seatbelt and was about to open the  
door when she hears Brittany say her name.

"Quinn." she begins, "I know that I'm not so smart, but I just want you to know that Rachel is the best thing  
that ever happened in your life aside from Lulu. And letting that go, not doing anything about it is going to  
be the stupidest thing ever or whatever you know."

Not knowing how to react, Quinn just nods her head not really paying attention as Santana tells her  
goodbye, She just gets out of the car. Instead of coming in, she starts walking with no clear destination in  
her mind, she finds herself in front of her old parish. She enters, and walks to one pew, gets down on her  
knees and prays, asking for guidance, asking for forgiveness, for help. She cries silent tears and so lost in her  
despair she never notices the parish priest approach her. Once he sits down beside her and asks her what  
was wrong, she was apprehensive to say anything, she really didn't think telling a priest that she was in love  
with a girl was the best course of action. But she was surprised when he didn't even bat an eyelash, he just  
told her that God doesn't give us troubles we can't overcome, and that she was a true testament to that,  
and if she really did love this girl with that breathless smile and a voice as beautiful as a sunrise, then she  
should go for it. He also said that sometimes we meet people that changes our lives in the most extraordinary  
way, that there are people that make us happy beyond the meaning of the word happy and all you really  
need to do is hold on. She thanks him, and as she was leaving he gives her a hug even if she was wet with  
rain and tells her that she can come back anytime with her little girl in tow and that if the way her eyes light  
up at the mere mention of her Rachel's name was any indication, she should play for keeps. All Quinn could  
do was blush mumble a thank you.

The rain was slowing down, and she makes her way back home. Once inside she hastily makes her way to  
their room, to the bathroom strips and takes a shower. Once done and fully clothed she lies in bed, and  
thinks of Rachel.

She grabs and holds Rachel's pillow closer to her body, and takes a deep lungful of air. It still smells like her.  
And for a moment it doesn't hurt as much.

She still doesn't know what to do. All she knows is that she loves Rachel and she misses her. She never  
thought that Rachel would be miserable without her in New York. And finally realizing she might have been  
wrong about some things made her feel like a world class bitch. The conversation she had with the priest  
also made her feel lighter somehow.

Unable to stop herself from thinking of Rachel, and of all those moments when her heart swelled with so  
much love for the other girl she thought it would burst. She abruptly gets out of bed, and goes to the living  
room, rummaging around for a bit, she finds what she was looking for, a home made movie that was a few  
months old, she can't remember why she was filming that day, but she was very thankful that she had this  
moment on film.

She pops it in, and watches as the camera was trained on Rachel and Lulu sitting face to face. Rachel was  
teaching Lulu the hand gestures for 'twinkle twinkle, little star' and Lulu had such a cute concentrated look  
on her face that Quinn couldn't help but smile. She could hear Rachel softly sing.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,  
How I wonder what you are!  
Up above the world so high,  
Like a diamond in the sky!  
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,  
How I wonder what you are.

She knew there were other parts of the song, but Rachel seemed to just stick to one stanza, leave it to her  
to focus on the stars part. Rachel was opening and closing her hands, and Lulu was trying her best to mimic  
it. She watched a smile blossom on Rachel's face as Lulu beamed at her when she was able to do it just like  
Rachel did.

The video gets a bit shaky and changed angles then a few seconds later the video version of Quinn shows up  
and sits herself in between her daughter and Rachel. Lulu looks at her beaming and exclaims, "Momma look."  
she closes and opens her hands then frowns since Rachel wasn't singing along. "H gen!" she demands. Both  
teenagers just look at Lulu with wide eyes, Lulu looked perplexed and tried again, "H gen peas." she says.

Quinn looks at Rachel then, who looks as if she's about to cry while smiling the biggest grin she's ever seen  
on the Diva's face. She turns to her daughter and asks, "What did you say baby?" She sees her daughter pout.

"H gen peas." she says as enunciating each word as if it was giving a speech.

"H?" questions Quinn, Lulu just nods her head and looks at Rachel. "Do you mean Rach?" she asks again. Lulu  
nods one more time. And once again says. "H gen peas!" louder this time as if Rachel didn't hear her the first  
time.

She swoops her daughter in a hug, unable to stop herself, she glances to her right and sees Rachel openly  
crying and smiling. Lulu squirms away from her arms when she hears sniffling. And once Lulu's eyes land on  
Rachel, she unsteadily gets on her feet and toddingly walks over to Rachel, who immediately holds onto the  
baby's waist. "H sad?" she asks.

Rachel just shakes her head, rubs her face on her shoulder and smiles. "I'm ok baby, want me to sing again  
then you can show Momma how to do twinkle twinkle?" Lulu gives Rachel a sloppy kiss then nods her head  
enthusiastically and plops down on her lap. Rachel just laughs and asks, "Don't you want Momma to see what  
your doing baby?"

Lulu turns her head around and looks at Quinn, "Ohhh.", and she shakingly stands up and turns with the help  
of Rachel. As Rachel starts singing Lulu beams at her Momma while doing the actions to the song. They do  
the song a couple of times until Lulu lost interest and started playing with her toys.

Quinn pressed pause and looks at video Rachel who was watching Lulu, she remembers this day so vividly in  
her mind. She knows how her heart skipped a beat the moment Rachel finally turns around and throws her  
arms around Quinn. It was the first time Lulu said her nick name, granted it was an even shorter version.  
Quinn remembers the love she saw on Rache's eyes as she kept on looking at Lulu, and she remembers how  
those eyes would light up every time Lulu called on her "H". She remembers the proud look on Rachel's face  
when Lulu wobbled to where she sat and made her sing twinkle, twinkle so that the little girl could show  
Rachel's dad what she could do. Once Lulu started calling Rachel "H", it was a race to what Lulu would say  
first, if it was "Grandpa" or "Zayde", Bit (which was actually Brittany) won.

That was the night that finally made her realize she was absolutely in love with Rachel. And staring at the  
frozen screen before her, she knew exactly what she had to do, she was going to get her girl, she was taking  
that leap of faith. She never noticed the digital clock on the radio change from 06:29 to 06:30.

She's startled from her thoughts by the ringing phone and hurriedly stands to answer it.

"Rachel-" Quinn starts, she knows her voice was quivering, she knows that she is now openly crying but she  
didn't care. She hears a sharp intake of breath, and also hears its slow release, time slowed down, It seemed  
like minutes or maybe even hours had gone by.

"Quinn?" asks Rachel as if she thought she imagining things.

"I mi-, I miss you so much Rachel." mumbles Quinn, trying to stop her tears. "So so much."

"I-, I miss you too." was Rachel's shaky reply.

Quinn's heart ached, and her voice gets caught in her throat. She missed her so much. She couldn't speak.

Rachel's panicked voice comes through the line clear and crisp, "Quinn are you still there?"

Quinn finds her voice, her courage and her conviction. She loved Rachel Berry, and starting this moment, it  
was enough. "I love you Rachel, I'm so in love with you."

"And I am so ridiculously in love with you." was Rachel's whispered reply.

"Can we try Rach? Is it too late?" Quinn asks almost afraid of the answer.

She hears Rachel laugh through her tears, "I believe it's just about time. I love you Quinn Fabray even if it  
took you long enough to get on board with me on this."

She clutches the phone to her, and laughs a real laugh in a very long time. "I know, Santana told me I was  
kinda dumb for someone so smart.", her heart was lighter, her world brighter. She loved Rachel and Rachel  
loved her, they loved each other. Finally, she lets herself really believe it.

Rachel makes and uh-hm sound, "I whole heartedly agree, I am pleased that Santana was able to talk some  
sense into you. I still don't understand how you got all of those silly notions in your head." Rachel pauses  
then in a gentle voice says, "You're it for me Quinn Fabray. I want you to know that I am never letting you  
run away from me ever again."

"Why would I run? You're it for me too." She whispers believing it was true. What they had was real, and  
nothing was going to stand in their way.

"Good." states Rachel.

They lapse into a comfortable silence, only their breathing could be heard over the phone. Both knew that  
they were in for a bumpy road, but they had each other, and "their" Dads, they had Lulu and they had their  
friends.

Quinn sighs happily, "I love you Rachel." she says.

"And I you my love." was Rachel's reply.

Both of them knew that it may only be the beginning and with their shared history it was bound to be a  
bumpy ride. They still had a lot of things to talk about and and a lot of things to think about, but they loved  
each other and they were finally 'together', those were the most important parts.


End file.
